I Don't Fit In

There have been times throughout my life where I felt as if I didn't seem to fit in.  Though I tried to squeeze my way into the popular crowd or with the cool kids, I couldn't deny the fact that I was more like the Charlie-in-the-Box from the Island of Misfit Toys than one of the G.I. Joe cool kids.  For some reason(s), I've tended to focus on what's 'wrong' with me or how I differ from others.  When I was a young boy, I wanted to talk about my emotions; my family didn't.  I lived in the country; my friends lived in town.  I lived in a trailer; my friends had houses.  I had short hair; others had long hair.  When I was finally allowed to grow my hair out, I rejoiced.  Finally, I can be cool like all the other guys.  Until nature showed up with other plans - curly hair!

At 17 years old, while my companions were 'living it up,' dating, hanging out, and so forth, I started my relationship with God.  Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful I have God in my life; but at 17, it wasn't exactly the coolest thing to admit.  I didn't hide it, but I didn't push it in peoples' faces either.  Not until 21.  Then I stumbled upon a group of folks who were like me - other misfits on the Island trying to make it through life.  We all started attending a church together, formed a band, and thought we would tour the world with our keytars and mullets (yes...sadly the hair thing doesn't get better at this point). 

During this part of my life, I let others know about my beliefs.  And here's what I encountered: not too many people thought the way I did.  They really weren't interested in hearing about church, or the band's latest sell-out concert of 13 people, or about the condition of their souls.  Once again, Charlie needed to retreat back into his box and wait.  As I continued with this group of friends and church, life happened.  We never toured.  In fact, the bus we bought, the one we thought would launch us into the realm of uber-cool, caught fire one night as we were finishing the customizations to the inside.  Apparently, varnish for wood floors doesn't go well with electrical wiring on a 1958 GM bus.  Who'd a thunk it?!? 

But here's the real kicker - Now that I was Christian and didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the world, my thoughts and beliefs started changing, too.  And now, not only did Charlie not fit in with the rest of the world, Charlie didn't fit in with the Christian world.  Good thing for the Island of Misfit Toys!  I could chill there for a while to regroup.  And regroup I did!  And life continued to happen.  So much so, that I ended up in NC, remarried, a dad, an old student, and now a pastor!  Wow!  I have no idea what Island all this belongs on.  Maybe the Island of Surprise Endings.

And that's what hit me recently while I was reading.  This is a surprise ending.  I never would have guessed that I would be here - at this time and space in my life.  While reading the book Gifted by Otherness, I came across the following.  This is God speaking: "I made the stars and the planets to obey me.  And I made the angels and all the bright spirits to adore me. But you...I made you to surprise me."  Wow!  We were made to surprise God.  And all along I thought God surprised us - which God does.  But the fact the I am here to surprise God suddenly changes the story.  I am a Charlie-in-the-Box on purpose.  I don't have to try to 'fit in' because I already do.  I fit into God's world where all of us reflect God's crazy, creative, and misfit love.  God loves us so much that God visited with us in order to (re)connect with us.  What did we do?  We killed God.  God continues to visit with us.  What do we continue to do?  Kill God.  We kill God when we think we have God figured out, when we try to make God fit into our image instead of the other way around.  We kill God when we don't embrace our Charlie-in-the-Box selves and try to be what everyone else thinks we should be.  We kill God when we love others, but not ourselves.  We kill God when we try to fit a square peg into a chocolate covered potato chip. 

But God, the creator of we Charlie-in-the-boxes, and all toys, loves us as we are.  God took the time to sculpt us into the marvelous beings we are.  God wants us to understand that.  God loves us where we are, but doesn't leave us where we are.  God desires that we (re)connect with God and with each other.  We fit in because God intends for us to be here.  We matter because God spoke, "Light, air, bird, happiness, Charlie-in-the-box, love, amazement." 

So let us take the time during this Advent season (the time leading up to Christmas) to thank our Toy Maker.  Let us embrace who we are.  Let us embrace love - for God, others, and ourselves.  From one Charlie-in-the-Box to another...Merry Christmas!